We are all weird

Did you know we all have a playbook for how we do life? We each have an unwritten code for what is “normal” and what isn’t. It tells us things like who is responsible for taking out the trash and doing laundry. It even tells us how to fold towels and replace toilet paper rolls. If you have ever had the experience of living with anyone outside of your family of origin, you know what I’m talking about. Things that seemed so simple and benign all of the sudden become a big deal.

I was reminded of this several years ago when my oldest son went off to camp. This was not the same kind of camp I went to when I was a teenager. This was beach camp. I’m not really sure why they even called it a camp. There was no camping involved the kids got to stay with their friends in apartment style rooms on the beach complete with kitchens. Because each of the rooms had a kitchen the organizers decided to let the kids work together to prepare breakfast and then have community meals later in the day. My son was so excited for the opportunity to make breakfast for his friends. We are big breakfast people at our house. Being a room of all guys no one objected when he volunteered to cook. He cooked bacon and eggs and had toast an orange juice for everyone. A very “normal” American breakfast. But…

The first thing he said to me when I picked him up was, “mom, you never told me we were weird!”

You see, when my kids were growing up I often purchased frozen orange juice so we had it on hand to make when we wanted it. But, my impatience never liked to wait for the frozen concentrate to melt before we could enjoy the drink, especially when I had hungry boys waiting. So, I figured out I could put the concentrate in a blender with the correct amount of water and mix it up immediately. Plus, it made the juice a little bit like a frothy frozen drink. I taught my kids to make the orange juice this way while I was finishing up breakfast. They didn’t know that there was another way to make orange juice.

So, here is my son at camp pulling out the blender to make orange juice and all of his friends were looking at him like he was from another planet. He was weird. They loved the drink and they all left with an education that we all have a different idea of what “normal” is.

I remember when I was growing up I would talk to my dad about someone who was irritating me and I would say, “dad, they are so weird.” To which he would always reply, “we are all weird.” Quickly reminding me that the way I think and process is just as strange and probably irritating to them as they are to me. This shift would put me in the place of being a learner.

As a learner I can be on the same side as someone who has a differing view point. I can stay connected to them relationally even if we disagree. When I understand the why, that is driving a behavior, it no longer seems “weird” or alien from me. I get to find ways we are similar and connected rather than focusing on the ways we are disconnected.